Celebrating Abbie Greenberg

There is the joke about what motivates a person to get out of bed each day – for most people it is their bladder. I’m in love with Judaism for having a blessing over going to the bathroom. There is no other specific, traditional blessing for giving birth and the blessing asher yatzar covers all stages of that amazing miracle as well, starting with conception. It is a way for me, many times a day, to be consciously and actively thankful for the health I have. And the simple verse from Tehillim 100:2,, עבדו את הי בשמחה (“Serve God with happiness”) is a great and simple mantra. If I’m feeling overwhelmed at points in the day with lots to do, people calling, carpools to drive, a dog to walk, dinner to prepare, it’s so much more pleasant to think of these things as activities to be done with simcha (happiness), each in its own small way in service of Hashem, than as chores or interruptions.

I’d be fascinated to meet Moshe Rabeinu, see his combination of wisdom and modesty and leadership and learn what he feels the Jewish people need today. I’d also like to ask the Rambam to reflect on his thoughts about codifying Jewish law and if he would change anything he wrote given the world today. And I’d also love to have my late brother-in-law, JJ, to a Shabbat dinner so his nieces and nephews could meet him and see that he was really like the stories they hear about him.

I studied at Pardes for two years between ‘94-’96 and have been there for at least ten Summer Programs, so I have so many memories and “ah hah” moments that stem from lessons learned and conversations had at Pardes. One of the most profound learning moments happened during my first year at Pardes. I was in Meir’s bein adam l’chaveiro (laws pertaining to interpersonal conduct) class. He was teaching us about the laws of lashon hara (prohibited speach) and I was slowly coming to understand that according to these halakhot (laws), you don’t even have one cheat space or private buddy to spill out your lashon hara to. I said to Meir that someone like him can follow these rules, but what about those far less pure, like me?  He said first you follow the rules and don’t speak lashon hara and that eventually the desire to do so fades.

Pardes became my foundation stone for having respect and awe for Jewish text and Jewish learning. It was an incredibly inspiring and humbling period of my life – and these are two characteristics that remain constant in my work and personal commitment to Jewish education and the Jewish people. But there’s something else which is also critical here. As much as Pardes was about the text and the learning it was also deeply committed to the people. Pardes ingrained in me that learning is a deeply relational experience, and that the environment really does matter. I’m not just talking about the physical Beit Midrash or the building, but that feeling you have when you are truly welcomed into a community – regardless of who you are or what your prior experience or lack of experience with Jewish learning might be.

I live on Negba street, a quiet street I walked down each day on my way to Pardes in 1995-96.  I admired the beautiful flowers that changed with the seasons and dreamed of someday living in Israel. I was young, and in retrospect, had little clue about my future. Today, I feel like the luckiest person in the world and like I am literally living my dream.

Pride.

My style of matchmaking is to try to make connections and keep my mouth shut. I joke that one day I might write a book called “what I said versus what I was really thinking”. This is what I’m really thinking: Marriage is work. If you are lucky and choose very wisely, you’ll have a partner who has solid values, is flexible, respectful, kind, and giving. Looks fade. It’s among the least important things to care about when looking for a mate. Look at pictures of old happy couples. Can you tell the difference between who was gorgeous when they were young and who was not? Almost never. How social someone is or how much of a go-getter or whether they are charismatic or tall matters little when the two of you are home together alone and connecting one-on-one or when you are driving carpools and lovingly and patiently putting kids to bed. Don’t look for a prom date or someone who you fantasize will impress your friends. Find someone who will have your back, who will try to make your days a bit easier, appreciate little kindnesses, and who you want to make smile each and every day. When you have those things, the attraction and “the chemistry” will grow.